Swollen Cranium
Swollen Cranium title card
Season 1, Episode 15
Vital statistics
Air date February 2007
Directed by Glenn Kirkpatrick
Story by Ben Townsend
Written by Danielle Koenig
Storyboard by Konrad Weise

Uwe Fährmann

Episode guide
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Not So Spare Parts Tomorrow×3

When Rocket accidentally and indirectly crushes Rolfe, V.P. Stern's nerd, he chooses Vinnie to compete in the Inner City Academic Amathalon. Worried about being seen as a brainy nerd, Vinnie enlists Rocket's help in dumbing him down. But when he discovers his father is the question master, Rocket comes in to help the school's team win.


The episode opens at home where Rocket is seen packing Vinnie's school bag with unusual and oversized items.

Rocket: "Wow. Getting ready for school is tough work"

Vinnie: "Just 1 item left, and that's my History Algebration homework..." (Rocket can be seen holding up underpants) "W'argh!!! Rocket, I forgot to do my homework!" (Vinnie hides under his desk) "V.P. Stern's gonna detentionify me into oblivion!"

Rocket: (He pulls out his keyboard attachment) "Chill V-Brain, All we need to do" (He begins typing) "is just type in a few variables," (He stops typing, puts away his keyboard and grabs a brown book) "input a couple of facts," (He eats the brown book, another blue book and burps, then his mouth starts printing) "and... homework!"

Vinnie: "Thanks Rocket! You're the greatest..." (He runs past Rocket) "Now let's jet to school!" (Rocket follows behind him)

Vinnie then runs down the stairs, only to have been stopped by the claw from the living room ceiling taking his homework and passing it to his dad.

Professor Q: (Typical Prof Q background music starts playing and fades away) "Morning Vincent! Oh what's this? Ah, History Algebration homework... excellent... (The camera shows Rocket smiling and Vinnie hiding behind him, then back to Prof Q) The sum of 2 rational squares is equal to... men's wear artichoke-friendly most sad sandwich (He acts surprised and his hat jumps) jelly melons?!"

Vinnie: "Rocket!"

Rocket: "Hmm... ha maybe I bounced up the wrong book"

Professor Q: "Vincent, your homework is 5W wrong and 50 gravitons incorrect!"

Vinnie: "Sorry dad, I forgot about it, and I was in a rush and... anyway it's only a dumb homework assignment..."

Professor Q looks at Vinnie with raised eyebrows and a sad face, then the camera pans to the inside of Joe's where Maya and all the extras in that frame stare with shocked faces, and pans back to the duo.

Vinnie: (swallows) "I mean..."

Professor Q presses a button on the wall and the living room transforms to a classroom/library environment.

Professor Q: "Son, academic learning isn't about fulfilling homework assignments..."

Vinnie and Rocket: "Phew! That's a relief!"

Professor Q: "No! It's about the pursuit of knowledge, the desire to understand, to excel... (He approaches Vinnie and Rocket) "Don't you want to be smart? Get good grades and be... (He hugs the duo) ...popular?"

Vinnie and Rocket then burst into laughter and Professor Q lets go of them. Rocket can then be seen crying and using his eye wipers.

Vinnie: "Good one Dad!, ha, Everyone knows that being smart and getting good grades don't make you popular..."

Rocket: "They make you a super-nerdo-geeky-no-friends-dorko-lamester..."

Vinnie: "Um... no offence"

Professor Q: "Non-taken, Vincent... Learning is the greatest gift of all... You'll realize that too... (changes tone of voice) some day..."

Vinnie, putting on his flight suit: "Sure. Well I better get to school and hand this assignment in... Rocket, jet it."

Rocket says "You got it, V" and flies off.

Later in the classroom, V.P. Stern announces to the class about the Inner City Academic Amathalon.

V.P. Stern: "Every year we compete against Intelligent Academy in the Inner City Academic Amathalon. Yeah dig?" (Camera pans to trophy, plays sound effect and pans back to Stern, standing next to Gabby and Rainbow) "And every year we completely-utterly-absoutely-lose! Un-fly... But this year's gonna be mega hip, super cool and mega dig" (Stern, Gabby and Rainbow push in a nerd under a red cloth) "because this year we have... The Rolfe! Rolfe has the hippest test scores in history. He knows π to 70002 (decimal) places and has read over 14,000,000,000 books!"

Frankie: "What a nice pleasant looking MEGA-LOSERY DARN-TICULAR!"

Scuds: "...ultra-lame-o-geek-ociusly twonk-tastic"

Biffo: "Mmmmm... nerd"

V.P. Stern: "And that's why this year our school is going to win!"

Vinnie and Rocket then crash into the room through the ceiling, injuring Rolfe. The rest of the class then gasp.

Vinnie: "What?"

V.P. Stern: "Everything hip in there Rolfe?"

Rolfe: (inaudible grunts)

Vinnie: "Sorry we broke your secret nerd V.P. Stern..."

Rocket: "You shouldn't leave geeks where any rocket can land on them"

(Camera pans back to trophy, the same sound is heard and the camera pans back to the front of the classroom)

Vinnie: "And we're really sorry that you won't win the Inner City Academic Amathalon…"

V.P. Stern: "Oh but we will win Vincent Q, because I found a replacement, someone who can be moulded, nurtured, transformed… someone who could become the nerdiest nerd, geekiest geek, the dorkiest dork of all time!"

Rocket: "Sounds like a real loser"

Vinnie: "That's great V.P. Stern, who is it?"

V.P. Stern: "It's… you!" (Stern points at Vinnie and camera zooms in on him) "dig!"

(Camera shows outside of school)

Vinnie: "Rocket!" (Camera shows Vinnie in the school hallway, wearing a nerdy outfit) "I feel ridiculous!"

Rocket: "Relax V-Machine, no one cares that you look like a super-nerdo-geeky-no-friends-dorko-lamester"

(The camera pans to a parking lot where Captain O'Cheese is laughing, then to Silent the Little Ninja and his group looking clueless, then back to the hallway where the Duckys are looking for Vinnie and asks him for his location)

Frankie: "Excuse us Mr Geek(Vinnie), uh… have you seen Vinnie around? WE GOT A WEDGIE FOR HIM!"

Vinnie: "Uh um," (He tries to fake his voice) "Why no, I haven't seen this Vinnie you speak of"

Rocket intervenes and reveals Vinnie to them.

Rocket: (He waves his claw in front of Vinnie's face) "Sure you have V-Man," (Rocket turns Vinnie around to face the Duckys) "it's you! You're Vinnie!"

Vinnie: "Aw yeah um, haha, I forgot"

Biffo, Scuds and Frankie then laugh.

Frankie: "We can't wedgie you Vinnie, YOU'RE TOO LAME ALREADY…"

Scuds: "What a mega-lame-o-no-friends-super-dork!"

Biffo: "Ooooo… loser"

Vinnie, sitting on the floor besides Rocket: "I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I was cool enough to be wedgied!" (He gets up and starts walking "I'm getting out of this geeky-getup pronto!"

Vinnie falls over and Gabby comes into view.

Gabby: "Woah Vinnie, you look smarter than a fish wearing a hat! Wanna come to the museum to cry for the Academic Amathalon?"

Gabby leaves the frame then the camera then pans back to the trophy like earlier and cuts back to Vinnie.

Vinnie: "Are you kidding? Being smart and intelligent is the lamest! I'm never learning anything again! Ever!"

Stern then comes into view.

V.P. Stern: "Ahem…"

Vinnie: "Um… I mean… yeah… sure"

Stern then walks away, Vinnie frowns, and the camera fades to the inside of the Inner City Museum, with Stern and Gabby standing together looking at a cavemen display.

V.P. Stern: "Fascinating… interesting… knowledge-y…"

Gabby: "What do you think Vinnie?"

Over at another display, Vinnie and Rocket sneak behind a different display.

Vinnie, in a discreet tone: "Keep it down Gabby… If anyone finds out I've gone to a museum, I'll be laughed out of town…"

Gabby, walking past a dinosaur display: "Museum-going is nothing to embarrassed about Vinnie, how else could you edify and improve at it yourself?"

Vinnie: "Uh… by dressing up as Eskimos and playing video games?"

Rocket: "By reading comic books backwards in our underpants?"

V.P. Stern: "Check out this hip factoid… A brontosaurus weighs the same as 23,333.333333… spider monkeys"

Gabby: "Now isn't that a fantastically useful…" (Gabby grabs Vinnie) "…piece of info!"

Vinnie: "What?! When am I gonna ever need to know that, ever in my whole life ever?"

Rocket pulls Vinnie off screen.

Gabby: "Well, maybe if you're trapped under 23,000 monkeys!"

The camera then switches over to Vinnie and Rocket.

Rocket: "Listen V-Man, we better split before the smell of learning…" (Stern comes into view and reads another plaque "…and kosher gets all over us"

Vinnie and Rocket then walk out the main door, and the media suddenly takes photos with the flash on their cameras turned on. News helicopters then fly around, news vans can be seen and the scene zooms out to show the living room TV in Vinnie's house and a news report.

Newscaster: "Breaking news: 2 nerds were spotted at the Inner City Museum today.

The camera then switches over to Crystal, Vinnie and Rocket on the couch.

Crystal: "You know guys, those 2 nerds maybe kinda look like you…"

Vinnie: "Um really? Well… it's not us"

Rocket: "No way! We will never ever never do anything intelligent and/or educational"

Crystal: "Good. You don't want people…" (Crystal pats Vinnie's head) "…thinking you're super-nerdo-geeky-no-friends-dorko-lamesters…" (Crystal then walks off)

Vinnie: "Rocket, if we were in that contest, any hope of us being cool-smooth-suave-hipsters is over!" (Vinnie slides off the couch and jumps back up) "There's only one thing to do… It'll take hard work, dedication, commitment, but we've got to lose that Academic Amathalon!"

Rocket: "Don't worry V-Man, I'll make sure you don't learn a thing!"

The next day, in Math class, Gabby is seen doing her work but Vinnie instead plays a racing game on his tablet in a book case and Rocket plays the same game on his secondary onboard computer. In the library, Gabby can be seen reading books at a desk while Rocket throws a pile of books 1 at a time and Vinnie rests on a beach chair drinking pineapple juice with his shirt off. In Geography class, Vinnie is seen with a face drawn on the back of his head which is facing the front and he even has his T-shirt on the other way as well. The camera pans around his head to show him sleeping, drooling and snoring.

In the school's Multi-Purpose Hall, the contestants can be seen preparing for the Inner City Academic Amathalon.

Vinnie: "Great job Rocket, I'm as dumb as a brick! This contest is as good as lost"

V.P. Stern, announcement: "Welcome all here dig, to the Inner City Academic Amathalon!" (Camera pans to trophy like before) "Our 2 teams are, Inner City School!"

Crowd of students: (cheering)

Frankie: "EE!"

Scuds: "Gay"

Biffo: "Rrrrr… gay maths!"

V.P. Stern: "And… Intelligent Academy"

Crowd of students: (jeering)

Inner City School team(Rocket, Vinnie and Gabby): (gasp) "Super Nerds!"

V.P. Stern: (drumroll) "And our cool fly question master, Professor Quigley Q!"

Professor Q: "Greetings and computations!" (bows)

Vinnie: "Dad?"

Professor Q: "Round Alpha-1: What is melting point of magnesium?"

The Inner City School team then waits for the Super Nerds to answer.

Super Nerd 1: "923 K"

Professor Q: "Who invented cheese?"

Super Nerd 2: "The Nomads!"

Professor Q: "The capital of Senegal?"

Super Nerd 1: "Dakar!"

Super Nerd 2: "Pumpkins!" "2.74g!" "An (inaudible)" "A soft-width camel!" "Toe fungus!" "The colour blue!"

Round Alpha-1 concludes with a score of 0:2739.

Professor Q: "At the end of Round Alpha-1, Intelligent Academy leads 2739:0!"

Crowd of students: (cheering)

Professor Q: "Quarking congratulations"

V.P. Stern, facepalming and talking to himself: "Argh mick dip"

Frankie: "Those Intelligent Academy geeks are super-cool!" (Professor Q and the Super Nerds smile with their mouths open) "And Vinnie's a lame-o loser!" (Prof Q smiles and points to the same team)

Rocket: "Woohoo! V-Man, we're the biggest losers in the history of ever! Isn't it great?"

Vinnie: "But I don't get it. Those super geeks are intelligent, smart and learn it…" (Super Nerds cheer for themselves) "But everyone thinks they're the coolest… including my dad" (Professor Q shakes hands with the Super Nerds)

Gabby: "You see Vinnie, learning is the greatest gift of all"

Professor Q, in Vinnie's mind: "You'll realise that too… Some day…"

Vinnie: (shakes head) "Dad was right! I should have studied and learned. I should have improved myself and excelled! Now we'll never win…" (Vinnie's head falls on the tab

Rocket: "Sure we will V," (he shows Vinnie his electric screwdriver) "my microprocessor remembers everything we were taught. All I need to do is turn it on" (capacitor charges) "and…"

Professor Q, announcement: "Time for Round Beta-2. How tall is Mount Fuji?"

Rocket: "3776 M"

The sudden change of course brings V.P. Stern from his stern face to a surprised face.

Professor Q: "Exactly correct!"

Vinnie and Rocket, high-four: "Woo-hoo!"


Rocket: "Arginine triphosphate!" "Picasso!" "A-potato!" "Messenger R&A!" "Napoleon!"

Professor Q: "The scores are identically tied at 2739 each! And now the final question… What is the weight in spider monkeys of the average brontosaurs?" (This question confesses the Super Nerds but later Rocket comes in and answers)

Super Nerd 3: "Um…"

Super Nerd 2: "Erh…"

Super Nerd 1: "Oh…"

Rocket can be seen with museum music playing in his mind trying to think.

Vinnie: "23,333.333333…"

Professor Q: "Vincent that's… absolutely correct!"

A competition bell can be heard ringing.

Professor Q: "Congratulations! I'm so proud..."

Vinnie then grabs the trophy and V.P. Stern kisses it.

V.P. Stern: (kiss) "Thank you… Thank you, dig!"

Vinnie: "Rocket! We did it! We beat the Super Nerds! We won the Academic Amathalon…" (He looks at his reflection in the trophy) "I couldn't have done it without you"

Rocket: (Rocket switches his trimpot from playback back to recording) "You mean I can turn this off now?" throws away his electric screwdriver) "Cool! Thinking is hard work"

Vinnie and Rocket do their special handshake, and the crowd cheers. Vinnie, Rocket, Gabby, Professor Q and V.P. Stern can be seen cheering on stage at the same time. At the side of the stage, Rolfe can be seen in front of the Duckys.

Rolfe: "Oh! What a super-nerdo-geeky-no-friends-dorko-lamester"

Rolfe then wedgies Vinnie, and the episode ends.


Oversized items metaphorEdit

At the start of the episode, Rocket can be seen packing Vinnie's school bag with oversized items read from what appears to be a long list. This is believed to be an exaggerated metaphor for real-world school students having to bring heavy textbooks to school everyday.

  • 200 feet of bunting
  • 12 footballs
  • Noodles Of The World display
  • Ceremonial truck tire
  • Walrus and squid locked in an eternal struggle

Episode name clueEdit

Definition of "cranium"[1]:

  1. The skull of a vertebrate.
  2. The portion of the skull enclosing the brain; the braincase.

so the episode's name, "Swollen Cranium", probably refers to someone who's too smart or has to learn a lot.


At around the 9:24 mark(of the episode itself), Vinnie's head falls to the table, but for a split-second, his shadow was already on the table before he did so. However, the wiki staff think that this is part of the "shake" effect, to look like as though his head hit the table hard.


  • The show probably predicted mobile OS tablets in book cases by about 4 years.
  • Professor Q's shiny outfit can be seen as a black outfit from a distance.

Almost all facts given in this episode are in fact real, according to web search results. Here are all the facts that were mentioned in this episode that are true.


The Super Nerds won the first round, then Rocket switches his recorder to playback mode and goes through the second round, and Vinnie goes ahead with the tie breaker question.